


Getaway Car

by cledritch



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blood and Violence, Dubious Morality, Emotional Manipulation, Everyone Has Issues, M/M, Mild Smut, Minor Character Death, Minor Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Seo Youngho | Johnny, Minor allwin, Murderers, Past Dong Si Cheng | Winwin/Jung Yoonoh| Jaehyun, Running Away, Sicheng charms a lot of dudes, Sicheng is a Badass, Slow Build, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Youngho's in for the ride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 08:55:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14077350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cledritch/pseuds/cledritch
Summary: They have their own demons they're running away from and to hell and back, it wasn't going to end well between them.





	1. Ties were Black

**Author's Note:**

> This is finished but I decided to split it so you all can suffer with me :')

Clammy hands.

Sweat trailing down his cheek from the stuffiness of the car, windows rolled up enough that he can’t breathe well.

There’s the taste of copper on his tongue with every swipe across his bitten lip, the dryness of his throat intensifying it.

Hands desperately holding on the steering wheel for dear life, he floored on the gas pedal when he found the exit of the intersection. There are no signs, no headlights blinking. There’s no need to signal someone when there’s no one out there at this hour.

Three red lights. Two patrol cars. One policeman who looked at his car for a split second when he zoomed past.

His breathing is erratic, trying to alleviate his wildly beating heart. Pounding like a drum inside his chest it hurts and the sound echoed in his ears amidst the hum of the engine. The air-conditioning is in full blast. But he still tugs at his collar to gain some comfort.

The last car passes his, zooming out in the distance to the city he left and he gulped.

There’s no trace of him left there. The apartment is already on fire by the time the police come by to check. There is nothing to fear when he’s made sure that he can’t be followed to wherever he would be led by the adrenalin still rushing in his veins.

He let out a shuddering breath, fingers tightening around the wheel that it hurt. The long stretch of road is haunting to the sight, the beam of his headlights focused only on the front that when he took the chance to look at the corner of his eye, the darkness swallowed everything else.  The sound of his car is all he hears now: the crunch of the tires on concrete is too loud, the noise of the air-conditioner and the squeak whenever he fidgeted in his seat.

Sleep will come later. A motel would probably be beneficial and he’s managed to save enough cash that he can last for a few months. The next city is a new start and he probably needed to lay low for several weeks there if the news hasn’t died down by then.

It’s the third sign indicating how many kilometers left in his journey, the metallic post almost a blur to his sights at this point.

The silence is deafening.

It’s the only explanation he can think of when he parked the car on the side of the road, rolling down the window for the first time since last hours. He relished the cool wind washing over the side of his face, the cold seeping into his skin as he felt goosebumps erupted along his arm.

The blare of the car horn echoed when he slammed his head on the wheel and screamed.

 

There’s only monotony as he went through the week.

First, it was barely concealed hysterics when he bought some granola bars and the cashier stared at him for too long.  Their eyes met and the teenager ducked his head down, intimidated by his imperative stare.

It could be the wild disarray of his unwashed hair, the change of clothes he put on last minute and the bloodshot eyes that probably made him look deranged. It doesn’t help that when he goes back to his car, the cashier peered out the window to see him drive away.

The granola he opened is suddenly unappetizing.

He still eats them every night when his stomach protests and he parked his car to stuff his face, downing water as if it would get rid of the taste.

Hands running through his greasy hair, he thought of the taste of freedom almost at his reach. His skin is dry that every time he scratched, there are pale indentions left and disgusting grime underneath his nails. It’s been awhile since his last bath and it’s making him restless.

 

Sleep escapes him.

Insomnia isn’t new. He’s learned that forcing himself to sleep won’t help quiet down the thoughts. They come back like raging wildfire in his dreams, a smoldering fever that burns the edges of his mind that he would come back to consciousness. There’s no guarantee he can escape them with the night, tired body yearning for relief and even the warmth of his boyfriend only fuels the thoughts to claw against his mind once more.

Tea is served at four in the morning, sometimes at seven when he’s woken up from another nightmare and the bitterness soothes him enough he can pretend that everything is alright for the rest of the day. It usually doesn’t help that he’d sleep with his eyes open, freaking people out when he napped in public places.

Jaehyun has learned to read his moods, even when he acted inconspicuous and shrugged it off.  There were bubble baths that made him sleepy, comfort food he would sometimes reject because he knew he would vomit if he ate everything and the sweet kisses that trailed down his face like a silent plea. It worked some days. Some days, it would worsen his state.

The thought of Jaehyun jars him back to the present. The car swerved too much to the left he almost got out the road and he turned the wheel to get back.

He choked back a laugh. Sweet Jaehyun who was always there to make him happy without really making him inadequate with himself. Their banter comes off as harsh to other people who view him as helpless. It’s what made Jaehyun stand out to him, the equal footing they had together and the understanding that comes with the words he can’t convey. There’s a weight between his ribs and he is trying to make sense if this was heartache or contentment.

Because really, what’s the difference?

 

Dong Sicheng knew his effect on people.

They come to him because he looked helpless at first glance but take a step back when they do a double take. A senior once told he looked chic and cool but that impression only lasted a few weeks before he hovered around Sicheng and called him a cute baby. It’s unfortunate that his face is pretty. He’s wondered it’s why he can’t be peaceful when he’s reading or doing something before someone he knew would gather him in their arms and ruffle him around like a rag doll. He’s too innocent, too pure for this world and these words make him sick to his stomach.

People are attracted to him on the pretense they want to take care of him. It’s a twisted mindset that it choked him every time someone would give him unnecessary affection out of nowhere. He’d grown resentful of the suitors that would tell him he looked cute, that they want to take care of him and treat him like a girl when he’s a man.

Taeyong whom he grew apart from when he’s managed to make new friends, Taeil who would come to his dorm in weird hours to accompany him and call him cute over and over again and Yuta whose way of affection seemed to become excessive to the point of insincerity. There’s always discomfort that crawled under his skin when he hung out the few friends he’s made, grateful that along the years it waned.

Sicheng’s always the weak one. The one people push at the back because he wasn’t enough when he’s surrounded with ‘better’ people. He’s the one that needed to be protected from the cruelty of the world, the untainted little boy everyone loved. An insult to injury is that whenever he got angry, they’d coo at him and try to buy his calm with candy. It’s gone to a point Sicheng refused to be swayed, learning to manipulate the situation that he would get what he wanted without seeming like he’s pushed them. When Taeil wanted to feed him, he’d tell him that he’s really not sure if the food is still fresh and use his spoon to taste it. He’d managed to get out of Yuta’s incessant offers to a date by twisting his words to seem like he’s gone to Taeyong’s but he’s in the library sleeping at the back shelves. It was so easy. No one noticed.

Jaehyun, however, seemed to see past his impassive façade. They’ve become close friends, same year that made it easier to relate with someone his age and the growing realization that there are things Jaehyun understood about him more than the average person would.

He sees Sicheng in a light that other people would dismiss.

But that could be because Jaehyun related to Sicheng more than he can admit.

 

Two weeks on the road, someone flags his car.

His watch is the only thing keeping track of how much time has passed, phone melted and broken where he left it back at his old apartment. It’s been two weeks of truck stops to buy junk food and supplies, the sweat and grime making him smell like garbage. His hair is slicked back now because it’s so oily it had stiffened in the cold air.

It’s disgusting but Sicheng is on his wits end. His vision is blurry from the lack of sleep, fuzzy in his head akin to that of delirium that he barely misses where he intended to stop, swerving too much and halting inches from the hitchhiker.

“Hey, man! Watch it!” the man yells in English, crisp and foreign that Sicheng rubbed his eyes to get a better look at him as he curses in Mandarin.

“Sorry.” He apologizes, voice cracking from misuse as the stranger rounds the other side to open the passenger seat.

He takes a look at him. The first thing he notices is he’s clean. His hoodie is free of wrinkles or stains, considering he’s probably walked a good few miles from the last stop in this heat, especially with his bulky black parka. His jeans had rips on the knees, showing bandages and boots too expensive to be from a thrift store. The black backpack slung over his shoulder looked heavy but it’s not as much as he’s seen on people he’s passed by and ignored. Hell, even the way his light brown hair curled over his eyes made him look like someone Sicheng might consider attractive back at university. He doesn’t fit in this setting. Suspicious.

“No problem? I mean, the sun is too high and you look like you haven’t slept in days.”

Straight to the point, Sicheng chuckled a little. The man shut the door behind him, locking it. The action surprises Sicheng, tilting his head. This made the man raise his arms in defense. “It’s a force of habit.”

His words slipped before he can control himself “You trust me in a locked car?”

The man shrugged, easy smile painting his lips that his cupid’s bow catches Sicheng’s eyes. “You’re the only one who stopped when I flagged so I see it as a sign of trust too,” he stared into his eyes, expressive and making Sicheng shut back to the deep recess of his mind to cull the heat that rushes through him “Unless you think otherwise?”

He revs the engine to life, turning to reverse and backing up back to the road again. He’s been making that mistake too much and continued driving. The man puts his backpack to his lap, stretching his legs to accommodate their length in the small confines of the car before piping up once more.

“I’m Youngho.”

“Winwin.” He replied curtly, his nickname safer to use with someone he still doesn’t know well. Youngho had an air around him, like Jaehyun did and there’s that odd feeling that trailed down his spine as he wondered if he would end like him too.

Youngho’s smile is more of one of the ends of his lips quirking. It’s in that American bad boy vibe he’s seen in movies, disconcerting and taunting him to spill his secrets. It’s the smile of self-assured people who didn’t want to press further despite understanding there are still holes to poke around.

They drove in relative silence, Sicheng swallowing down the yawns that came and once again swerving out of the lane. Youngho looks over him once in a while when they almost hit the sign post. Sicheng wondered what he saw. A crazy kid who’s trying to kill them both? Possibly.

So when there’s a soft weight on his shoulder, he used his other hand to slap it away. It’s reflex but when he whips his head to Youngho with wild eyes, he bit down the apology and sighed. “Don’t do that.”

Youngho is unfazed as he cradled his hand “You haven’t slept well in a while.” He commented casually, scanning Sicheng’s face. The dark circles underneath his eyes have become prominent and intensified with the hollowness of his cheeks from lack of nutrition. The smell of body odor and dried sweat curled around the boy in a shroud of death that Youngho decided “How about I drive?”

Sicheng huffed, eyes turning cold as he glared at him “How about you just shut up and don’t complain?” he snapped.

“Sleep deprivation doesn’t look good on you and I don’t think you’ll last. Let me drive until we get to some motel where you can take a bath and eat something that isn’t truck stop granola.” He reached over the wheel, trying to pry Sicheng’s hands off but he’s rejected again.

“I barely know you-“

“Same but I don’t appreciate that you look like shit and on the verge of collapsing. You’re barely where you want to go and you’re already on the end of your strength,” Youngho sighed, trying to be as sincere as he can to avoid any setbacks “You can hold my backpack hostage. I have my passport, IDs and even wallet in there so if I try to do something, you can whisk them away.”

Sicheng stares at him evenly “I have a knife.”

The threat is left hung in the air, Youngho quirking a brow but unfazed by his threat. He puts the backpack on the back seat before slowly saying “Stop the car and let me help you.”

“What makes you think I’ll listen to you?” His eyes are on the road again, trying to keep his foot light on the gas pedal. His flight or fight is on haywire that he needed to get to the glove compartment across, in front of Youngho to fetch the gun and end this charade. He did it before. He can do it again. His head is filling with red: tomatoes that he ate before he went into the living room, red painting the floor as he took a bite of the plump fruit and the whisper of his name that left smiling lips before Jaehyun slumped to the ground. The smell of gunpowder on his clothes, the once pristine mint hoodie seeping with splotches of red and the tart of the tomatoes is tainted with copper as he bit down his lip it bled.

Sicheng didn’t notice that Youngho’s already pressed down the brakes. He stomped on the other’s foot in his panic before shoving the car door open with shaky hands, throwing himself to the ground as he vomited.

“You’re hopeless.” He heard Youngho sigh as he too got out, moving to his side to rub soothing circles on his back.

He doesn’t push him away this time. He’s too tired.

Youngho has hauled him back to the passenger seat, threw his jacket over him and told him to sleep. It’s a hassle because Sicheng tried to push him, making him slip on the vomit a few times. Youngho made a face of disgust as he wiped the matter on the dead grass. He’s dizzy and he weakly protested when the other male went to the driver’s seat and turned the ignition on again. A sense of helplessness overcame him, trying to climb over the space between the front seats but Youngho gently pushed him back.

“Please just rest, kid.”

Sicheng whimpered “Hope you’re not trying to steal this car. It’s practically useless.”

“I don’t really need money,” Youngho piped up as he drove slowly. He looked like he’s calmer than Sicheng at least. With his parka off, he looked smaller and less threatening. There’s not much for Sicheng to say when his head is swimming “I do think you need food and sleep so we’re finding a motel.”

Sicheng closed his eyes, leaning his head to the cushion and blacked out.

 

The hand shaking his shoulder woke Sicheng from his slumber.

He jolted with a garbled sound, sitting up too fast as the jacket slipped down to his lap. He felt like shit, mouth feeling like it was stuffed with cotton balls and a line of saliva has dried down his chin. And his head is pounding from sitting up too fast.

“Hey, easy.”

The scent of eggs and bacon has his mouth watering and it took him a minute to realize where he was.

Sicheng whipped his head around, taking in the ugly green wallpaper and the messy bed beside the one he’s sitting on. It’s a small room, fit for one night stays and there’s a plate off steaming eggs, bacon and pancakes. He scrubbed away the saliva on his chin, staring demurely down to his lap.

“Where are we?”

Youngho took a bite of his breakfast sandwich, wiping the sauce off the corner of his mouth. “A motel? You slept for seventeen hours. It’s a miracle how long you’ve survived driving with how exhausted you are.”

“I can handle myself fine.” Sicheng muttered just as his stomach made a loud noise.

Youngho laughed. “Try telling me that after you eat and freshen up. We gotta hit the road soon.”

Sicheng rolled his eyes, throwing the jacket at him. He caught it with one hand as Sicheng dug through his bag for fresh set of clothes, surprised that his shoes were taken off. He stretched, wincing when there’s a crick on his neck that particularly hurt along with the numbness in one of his thighs. He went into the bathroom, strangely happy when he doused himself with warm water and feeling the grime wash away. When the steam had cleared and he’s smelled like artificial strawberries, he’s feeling lighter as he ate the food.

Youngho is reading the newspaper when he noticed him cleaning the plate. “There. Now you look like you can survive another week.”

“Quit treating me like a child. Isn’t my vomit under your shoes enough punishment?”

Youngho faked a gasp “First of all, I’m probably older than you so watch your tone,” he clicked his tongue and wagging a finger “I think on basis of punishment, we’re even. Now, if this is an interrogation, I guess we should learn more about each other.”

Sicheng stiffened. He doesn’t really know how to answer that without sounding suspicious but he’s also scared of Youngho. It could be the knowing look in his eyes, scanning him again. But he can’t compromise this when he’s unsure of what Youngho’s motive is. “Shoot.”

“Ooh, wise words.” Youngho chuckled lightly, folding the newspaper and putting it into his bag pocket. “Is Winwin your real name?”

“No.”

“Figured. It sounds too funny to be real.”

Sicheng hummed before shrugging “It’s still my name. Just not the one on my birth certificate.”

“You sound so mysterious.”

Sicheng fidgeted with his fingers, rubbing them up and down “Or maybe you’re just untrustworthy.”

Youngho stood up, picking up his backpack before handing Sicheng his. His face is blank now, hair still wet and sticking to his forehead that he looked sinister.

“Trusting me would be the least of your worries.” He whispered in a dark tone.

Sicheng flinched back, eyes wide as the bag is placed on his lap. He’s afraid. It’s a jarring feeling after what he’s done, the static that overcomes his brain and the spike in his breathing. He’s wide awake but his senses are still dulled. Every part of him is screaming to get away while another is ready to lash out.

Then Youngho smiled as if he didn’t say anything, patting him on the head “It’s okay. Let’s go.”

Sicheng let out a sigh of relief, clutching his chest as he grumbled a low “It’s my car so don’t tell me what to do.”

The elder stuck out his tongue at him response.

 

“So, ask me anything.”

“You’re bored driving again, aren’t you?” Sicheng yawned, moving his legs to make sure they hadn’t numbed with how long they’ve been in the car.

Youngho’s been humming some song under his breath while he drove and it’s boring especially when the surroundings are all the same other than the occasional road sign. Even napping has gotten boring so Sicheng’s resolved to this pick up to the prior interrogation. The change in Youngho’s tone before hadn’t slipped his mind. It’s been looping in his head for a while before he chalked it up to something the guy was taking. He’s keeping an eye for anything that could trigger him again just to be sure that wasn’t a hallucination.

“Why are you hitchhiking?” he asked.

Youngho made a face at him “Wow. The big guns already-” When he saw Sicheng was serious, he cleared his throat “It’s personal. I mean, not really that big of a deal that you’ll think it’s silly.”

“Try me. You never know.”

Youngho sighed “My boyfriend.”

Sicheng tried to hide his surprise but his face showed it all. He leaned away from his seat, dumbfounded. His mind is racing with all the possibilities to why and settled with a “Wow. Me too.” He’s going to have to tell him anyways later but now is a good time to pander to this situation.

Youngho gave him a side eye that showed his doubt but he continued on. “I haven’t seen him for a few months. It’s been rough between us the past year and suddenly he leaves without a note or a number to call. I’m pretty worried about him.”

It’s uncomfortable. The affection in his voice jostles memories. Of shared hot chocolate mugs, the clothes they’d wear that belonged to the other and long walks on the beach with the sand between their toes. Good memories that made Sicheng feel warm and safe. It’s the better days that always made Sicheng feel worse. Youngho’s eyes are glazed with nostalgia, reminiscing about this person and Sicheng wants to share his own.

“My ex-boyfriend…we were at a standstill,” he started as he stared out the window to avoid the other’s gaze “You could say we agreed too much on everything. He always understood me more than anyone else and that’s what made it go downhill.”

It would have been an understatement how Jaehyun saw past Sicheng’s behavior and didn’t attempt to call him out. Maybe it was because he himself didn’t see it as a problem. Jaehyun did see how easy he manipulated people around him, the same way he used to before Sicheng transferred. Their dates consisted of Jaehyun trying to see how Sicheng would take it, if he’d fold or take advantage of it. In the end, the endering nature and intimacy of their shared connection made the relationship last for two years. Jaehyun didn’t blink an eye when he saw Sicheng plop a goldfish out of its bowl and watch it flail, gasping for air while he watched the life drain out of its eyes. Jaehyun who just grabbed him back by his coat when he deliberately stepped into incoming traffic with a smile. The only thing he’s heard as a semblance of protest is when Jaehyun almost choked him during sex, stating “Don’t push over that edge. It’d be too late by then.”

Jaehyun who didn’t do anything when he leveled the gun at his head with the most beautiful smile on his face. Even when he was cleaning the gun to get rid of fingerprints and pressing it to his lover’s hand, he can only see the peace that stayed on his features. Sicheng found it hard to fight the urge to softly wipe the spot of blood on the corner of his lips.

Youngho’s voice helps him come back to reality, blinking as his eyes focused on him again “Isn’t that a good thing when you understand each other so much you can mend things easier?”

He stopped his grin from overcoming his face, tilting his head back to feel the breeze against his neck. The situation is funny to him, sharing these memories when they’re practically useless now. “Understanding is nothing when it won’t help the relationship grow. I was content,” Sicheng closed his eyes “But I wasn’t happy.”

“Were you?” he suddenly leaned close to Youngho’s side, startling him a little he jumped up his seat.

The elder swallowed a lump in his throat, sighing before he returned his gaze at the front “Happiness is objective, do remember that.” He retorted.

“Avoiding questions? Isn’t that against the rules of this game you made?” Sicheng clicked his tongue “Cheater.”

Youngho stuck out his tongue “Alright, brat. We were happy. Probably sickeningly so if I take my friends’ word for it. We were together for over two years but I felt like he was the special one.”

“Romantic~!”

“Shut up.” He scolded in a mild manner, ears red “Let me finish talking. We were two independent people who had their own lives and routine so sometimes we couldn’t communicate well. But we always managed to make it up with each other. Dinner dates, luxurious spas and vacations to resorts to relax.”

Throughout his explanation, Sicheng noticed how his hands tightened around the steering wheel with every word. His shoulders started tensing too that it’s making him place a hand at the door handle just in case of a lash out. But Youngho then deflated that he slumped on the chair.

He cradled his cheek on his hand “But he suddenly left?”

“He went missing,” Youngho corrected “It was during his birthday that we arranged a birthday surprise over at his house that night but when he went to his flat, the place was trashed and he was gone. If you saw how it was, you’d think a murder took place.”

Sicheng smirked at that but kept quiet and continued listening.

“We tried looking for him but even when we filed for a missing person report, we still couldn’t trace him. I’ve been trying to look for clues where he went.”

“Why are you hitchhiking? Wouldn’t it be convenient by car?”

“My car broke down during the first miles and I didn’t want to waste time calling a tow truck. Then my phone died and I really just-“he sighed heavily “I just want to find him. I need an explanation. I need to know he’s alive out there.”

Sicheng pursed his lips. He doesn’t understand what he’s trying so hard for when there’s no certainty. The need for reassurance escapes him especially when people leave with no explanation, it’s for good reason. Youngho’s wasting his time. But he can’t stop asking “Why?”

Youngho licked his lips, his face darkening as he drove faster with a conviction “So that if he is, I can stop him myself.” He spat out, the words so heavy that Sicheng furrowed his brows in confusion. He drew his jacket around himself tighter, trying to be smaller. He recognizes ill intent even if he doesn’t want to, the messy words replacing the worse threats to tone down.

Sicheng tried to think of something to say but the boring scenery outside the window is what he focused on.

Youngho doesn’t add anything else.

 

The motel they chose for the night is the only one in a ten mile radius. It’s already nine in the evening with their gas half-full that they both need to refuel and sleep in a bed. Sicheng argued that they could just drive until they find the next stop but Youngho wanted to eat so he wouldn’t move from the receptionist’s desk.

“Is there any available rooms?”

The receptionist is some teenager, popping gum with obnoxious maroon hair and staring at them with disinterest. “You late night drifters?” he droned on while he flipped through a record book, looking for a room.

Youngho chuckled “And it’s almost your bedtime so guess the obvious.”

Pop goes the pink gum as the boy chews it back again “I’m pretty sure we’re full so I guess you won’t be reaching yours.”

This made the elder annoyed, towering over the boy with an air of intimidation but the latter didn’t flinch. He just chewed on, blowing a bubble before popping it and doing it all over again. The boy flipped a page again but stared pointedly at Youngho as he punctuates the words “We’re full.”

Youngho twists his lips, annoyance starting to bubble now because he knew there was still vacancy. Especially when it’s out here where there’re a handful of customers. But the boy is cocking a defiant brow at him, uncaring if he was older when it’s clear that he’s not backing down.

“My little brother here needs to sleep because his back has a condition.” The lie slips naturally that Sicheng doesn’t react to it at first. The boy shifts his gaze at Sicheng. He seems harmless, albeit a little sassy. He smiled and pushed Youngho out of the way to stretch his hand across the counter.

Sicheng is glad that the boy takes it “We’re not much trouble so if there’s any way that we could just stay the night, we would appreciate it-Oh.” A jolt traveled down his arm when he tightened his grip around the boy’s hand, flinching a little. The boy’s shit-eating grin made Sicheng aware of the hard metal digging into his palm and realized.

“You’re no fun to scare but you seem cool. Most people would be fooled.”

“Thanks but that wasn’t necessary.”

“I don’t really care,” the boy looked over the clock, cursing under his breath “Well, my time’s almost up here so why don’t you take this and move along.” He handed them a key, scratched and hung by a keychain.

“You should have just given it to us, kid.” Youngho muttered angrily as he snatched the key.

“Because you’re rude and it’s a one bed room. Don’t know how close you two are to consider yourselves brothers but sharing a bed is a whole other level. Enjoy.”

Sicheng wanted to pat his head because he saw through Youngho’s lie and because he was cute with his annoyed pouty face. “Can we get some breakfast and dinner too? It is a bed and breakfast but we haven’t seen a gas station to get some food.”

“Well, pretty sure my cousin is still awake so I guess I’ll tell him,” the boy rubbed his fingers together in a familiar gesture “But it costs extra.”

Youngho scoffed but Sicheng nodded. The boy gave them the address book before taking it a bit to scratch something out. He handed it to them, watching Sicheng as he wrote down neatly their names. Youngho signed for them before giving it back.

“Thanks, Donghyuck.” Sicheng smiled before he dragged Youngho to the staircase to get to their room. Donghyuck stared at where they once stood before looking down at the page they signed.

“It’s impossible to see my name under there, though.” He told himself, closing the front door and heading to the kitchen to tell his cousin about the guests.

Meanwhile, Sicheng settled for the bed closest to the door. He threw his bag somewhere at the corner to jump and land on the bed like an overgrown starfish. He moaned in delight at the soft bedding, smelling the freshly laundered sheets before bolting upright when he realized Youngho was staring.

He arranged himself to lean his back on the headboard, taking off his shoes “You should really work on your people skills.” Donghyuck was getting on Youngho’s nerves it seemed, his carefree disrespect something that ticked the latter. Sicheng admires the kid for having balls though especially when it was Youngho who kept dousing the fire.

Youngho takes out a water bottle from his bag, chugging it down before wiping his mouth “I’m tired from a long drive. Sue me.”

He stretched his arms, making a loud noise of contentment when he worked the cricks on his neck “You’ll need to thank him because this was his room, you know.”

This stills the elder “What?”

“Didn’t you notice this is just one bed and there was already a reservation when this place is in the middle of nowhere? It’s not full but the other rooms are too dirty to be used and unkempt that it wouldn’t suit us either way. So he gave up his own probably because he pitied me. He’s probably going to sleep over his cousin’s room which is also for one person.” Sicheng explained, moving over his things to change to sleepwear and realized he needed to wash his other clothes if they could pass by a laundry shop. He’s been alternating his pants that they’ve become scratchy to his skin, leaving red marks where he rubbed too hard.

Perhaps Youngho understands the gravity of the situation that when Donghyuck knocks to tell them he has food waiting downstairs so they can join in, he subtly gives him an apology that Sicheng doesn’t pay mind to. It’s their private moment and he is happy that Donghyuck looked smug enough that he was at least acknowledged.

The cousin’s name who cooked the meal is sitting down ladling steaming hot soup into four bowls, greeting them with a smile when he saw them at the doorway. He’s a charming fellow in a bookish way, lithe and young that he calls them like they were his children to sit. There’s something familiar about him that Sicheng paused, trying to remember.

“Good evening. Donghyuck wasn’t really helpful on what you wanted to eat so I’m just throwing the bone here,” he chuckled to himself, cutting up the bread to even slices and placing the place in the middle where it was easy to reach for everyone “I hope you enjoy creamy broccoli cheese soup.”

“Wow. That’s beautiful.” Youngho praises, sitting down on the right while Sicheng settled across him.

He felt the weight of a gaze on him, looking up to catch the man before he looked down his meal with reddened cheeks. There’s nothing strange of people looking at him so Sicheng cleared his throat. “So. How did you get broccoli at this hour?” he says, mildly interested.

The man who has recovered from his initial embarrassment at being caught takes a sip of his soup “It was all that was left in our pantry and I didn’t find any meat to mix. It would help cut down the cheesiness. Donghyuck only eats his vegetables if it’s mixed with something less revolting.”

Donghyuck makes a loud sound of protest “Just because you eat salads and tofu whenever you’re back at your dorm doesn’t make you better than me, hyung.”

The elder waves his fork threateningly at him “I hate how you were sent here instead of that remedial summer camp.”

“Taeil-hyung, you’re embarrassing me.” Donghyuck sneered before dipping his bread into the soup and chewing on it.

There’s a record scratch in the confines of Sicheng’s brain. His breathing picks up at the realization, trying to spoon more soup into his mouth to avoid the meaningful look that is given to him.

He’s drifted apart from the rest of his classmates when they graduated and he and Jaehyun moved to a new apartment downtown away from where they all used to hang out. He’s told his goodbyes to them, smiling cheerily when they asked to keep contact. Sicheng didn’t even take two days before he changed his number under the guise of losing his phone. It was easier that way, to disconnect when it didn’t really matter. He might have cared for them at one point. But right then, it was clear he needed to cut the strings before they wrapped too hard around him.

So Sicheng finishes his meal, staring at Youngho when the elder nudged his foot as if to ask if he was okay. He’s sensed the tension it seemed and it really doesn’t help. He feigns a happy expression but he nudged back to imply he isn’t.

The plates were cleared and Sicheng is sitting numbly, head racing with an escape to ensure Taeil won’t blab where he is going and who he is with. There’s a lot coming up, darker as he goes further down the list. There’s a lot at risk to think of sentimentality, to be attached to the idea he was friends with this person. The situation is like a repeat of Jaehyun, of how his thoughts wandered just a little too far and his realization too clear for his conscience to catch up. Taeil left to wash the dishes with Donghyuck who seemed reluctant to go when he was intent in talking to Sicheng but gave in when he was pulled by the ear.

A hand is on his nape, comforting and surprising him at the same time that he almost projectiled off his seat. Youngho let go as fast he touched him, sheepish. He hasn’t moved from his seat either. “Jumpy.”

Sicheng flicked a small crumb at him in annoyance. “I’m not. You’re just creepy.”

“You’ve been staring at the wall for the last thirty minutes.” He reached over to tap his finger on the side of Sicheng’s temple. He’s being touchy now, a strange development. “What’s going on inside your head?” He’s oddly comforting when he did that, lingering fingers pressing down to massage his temple.

“I’m just jittery. Being off the road suddenly makes me feel out of loops. We should’ve stopped on other motels beforehand, huh?” the lies slide easily out of his mouth, lips pleasantly widening into a smile. Youngho quirked a brow, stopping his massage to stand up and stretch.

“You just need to get used to it. We’ll be on the road for the next week. We should ask for a map before we go, it’s hard to drive aimlessly when we’re looking for possible shortcuts.”

Sicheng nodded, following him to their room. Youngho climbed the stairs with a slow pace, turning back to Sicheng every once and a while. The younger thought he was being creepy, making a face at him. Then he stopped at the top of the stairs, looking down to find Taeil staring at them. His is expression is funny, jaw clenched and his eyes brimming with irritation that was different from the kindness he displayed before. But it’s not directed to them, more of at them and Sicheng turned to meet his eyes.

His smile returned, fake but still there as he wiped his hands on his trousers “Can I talk to you in the morning before you leave?” Taeil doesn’t break Sicheng’s gaze, clear in who he meant.

Sicheng’s heart plummeted, the dormant sense of his survival instinct flaring up. He’s come this far to escape but now, there’s a threat and he cannot feel his conscience begging for him to spare him. Yet Taeil’s face softened, looking like the man he’s spent his college life being bed space buddies and perhaps he wouldn’t let it hurt too much. It’s the only mercy he can give.

Youngho nudged his shoulder, concerned. He’s ready to bolt too, he can see with how his leg is jittering. It’s sweet that in the time they spent together, he’s developed a protective instinct for him and god, he’s not sure if he should be happy. Taeil stood impatiently, arms crossing and Sicheng gave in.

“Alright. I’ll see you in the morning, Taeil-hyung.”

The elder nodded to himself, Donghyuck whining as he latched onto his back about the lack of hot water for his bath. He rolled his eyes at the boy, sparing one last glance at Sicheng and Youngho before he followed Donghyuck to where the bathroom was. Sicheng let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, clutching his chest before turning to Youngho with an awkward smile.

“Let’s go.”

 

 

Back to the dilemma of their room, there’s only one bed. Sicheng is torn between laughing and cringing when Youngho remembered that tidbit of information after he’s dumped his bag on the table and fell down the bed, ruffling the sheets. It’s clear that someone has been living here with the clothes thrown haphazardly on the floor, going inside the bathroom to freshen up and change clothes yielded a few bottles of shampoo and conditioner as well as bundled towels. Sicheng looked over the desk pushed to the wall, corkboard hanging over it showing pictures of Donghyuck; him with a curly blond boy, a group picture with him and five others in prince outfits holding a trophy with a sticky note stuck on it it saying “Winners!” and another with Taeil who was wearing his toga and brandishing his diploma at a laughing Donghyuck.

It’s a personal space, Sicheng noted and he gave it up for a pair of strangers. He touched the surface of one of the photos, tracing the smiles and wondering where they are. He has a bright future for him. There’s a debt to be paid for his kindness, thinking back that maybe Taeil is all Donghyuck has that helped him too, just like how Sicheng was under Taeil’s wing. Playing around with the idea of murder blurred with preserving what he once had and smirked, settling with the thought that he’ll worry in the morning.

For now, there’s a problem he needed to fix.

Sicheng doesn’t feel remorse when he roughly pushed Youngho off the bed, sitting on the edge to take off his shoes while Youngho groaned in pain. He shuffled onto the middle of the bed, resting his back on the headboard with a content smile.

Youngho shot back up, fuming but also amused for some reason. “Really?”

“Really.” A self-satisfied smirk painted his face, making exaggerated stretches of his arms as he put his hands behind his head and leaning back.

“There’s one bed and I’m not sacrificing my back when I’m driving tomorrow,” Youngho reasoned, laying down beside Sicheng with his back to him “Good night.”

Sicheng pushed him again but he’s grabbed by the wrist and rolled down. He blinked up at Youngho hovering over him, the elder’s eyes strangely detached and narrowed. His grip is strong as he held both wrists with one hand, the other placed near his face. He can smell the detergent coming off the sheet, the weird body wash Youngho always used and mingling with his breath fanning over his face. His leg is pressed against his hip uncomfortably, trying to subdue him and Sicheng let out a choked sound. He bit his lower lip, Youngho’s gaze shooting down to trace the movement. He leaned closer without a thought before Sicheng grabbed him by the neck, kicking his legs underneath him and using his free arm to flip him over. He straddled him by the stomach, both hands wrapped his neck without preamble. Bare skin from where the basketball shorts rode up Sicheng’s thigh touching the rough denim of Youngho’s jeans accelerated his heart beat, warmth pooling down his spine and overwhelming his whole body.

Youngho landed with a loud grunt at the weight, hair in disarray as he chuckled at Sicheng’ expression. “Sorry. Habit.” His legs felt like jelly but it’s for a different reason altogether.

Sicheng titled his head innocently. “Me too. Habit.” He emphasized the last word, leaning to brush his lips against his ear before rolling off him and settling back onto his previous position, grabbing the covers. He raised the soft sheets until his chin, tucking himself and enjoying the comfortable mattress. Youngho is lying there staring at the ceiling with an incredulous look on his face before he wiggled himself to the side to give some space between them.

 “Self-defense, huh?” Sicheng wondered aloud, nuzzling his chin onto the pillow “You’re hiding many talents for someone who’s busy chasing after someone.”

Youngho’s shoulders’ rolled, moving to his side to face the younger, hair messy against his forehead he needed to brush it away. He contemplated for a moment like he always did when Sicheng wanted to ask him about himself, calculating how much to give. But he settled quicker now, grabbing the edge of the covers to pull over his own body too. The movement has Sicheng shifting closer until their knees touched and there’s that electric shock again.

The elder smacked his lips, clearing his throat “I did tell you that I’m looking for my boyfriend who I don’t know is being held hostage or brainwashed somewhere out there doing god knows what. I’m prepared to keep my life and his if necessary. Without a weapon on me, all I have is my body to defend myself.”

Sicheng doesn’t answer, eyes growing heavy as he listened to him. He’s thinking about where he’s seen that kind of reflexes before, mind shuttering and the lone image of a police car faded into the deep recess of his dream state.

 

The heavy weight around his waist, coupled with the unusual sound of a heart beat against his ear woke him up from his sleep. Sicheng opened his eyes and wincing at the sand sticking to his eyelashes, rubbing them away carefully so they didn’t scratch against his retinas. His vision is blurry still, rising up only to be hindered by the said weight that wrapped tighter around his waist. He squinted at nothing, rubbing his eyes again before he regained a little of his sight then looking down to see what was holding him down.

Youngho’s face is too close for comfort. His mouth is wide open as he snored, a line of drool down his chin that Sicheng laughed at for a good minute. His hair is a rat’s nest against his face, his bangs clinging to his mouth wet from his saliva. He looked ridiculous that he admired his puffy cheeks, indented with pillow marks and his neck is dotted with mosquito bites. Idiot probably forgot to put on the mosquito killer again.

He rested his hand on top of Youngho’s arm, staring at his face for a while before the elder twitched and shifted away from his, freeing Sicheng from his grasp.

That problem fixed itself, Sicheng thought pleasantly as he tossed the covers off. Sunlight filtered through the curtains, shining against Youngho’s back with dust particles flying aimlessly and the stray strands of his hair obvious with the light. He stood up and stretched, making a loud noise when he finally got rid of that crick on his neck. This was the best sleep he’s ever had for a while, basking in the warmth of the early morning against his skin. He peered outside the glass panes to find Donghyuck sweeping the cut grass and trash to a pile with a long broom, grumbling a little under his breath. Sicheng unlocked the window and opened it, leaning his head out.

He yelled out “Good morning!” startling the boy to dropping his broom, making an inhuman noise of surprise. Whipping his head up to where Sicheng was, a flush tainted across his cheeks when he saw that’s wearing a tank top to show his arms.

Donghyuck cleared his throat, grabbing the broom in a manner that suggested he was trying to be cool and pouted at Sicheng “What the hell, man. That was scary.”

Sicheng shrugged before he titled his head “Sorry but you were concentrating too much. It was too good to pass up.” He laughed at the offended look on his face.  Donghyuck continued sweeping in silence, taking quick glances at Sicheng every now and then before dropping his gaze when the elder noticed. Sicheng thought back to his kindness then to the pictures of his friends he probably hasn’t contacted because Sicheng hasn’t seen him with a phone, the motel more likely practicing old school ways. Perhaps the kid needs company.

He cupped his hands around his mouth to make his voice louder “Hey! Is your hyung awake?”

Donghyuck nodded in confusion, eyeing Sicheng suspiciously “Yeah. But he went to the other town so it might take him some time to get back. Probably an hour so,” he paused, remembering “Oh and he said for you to wait for him. Sounded important.”

Perfect. Sicheng has enough time. “Want to stretch with me?”

“What?”

Sicheng’s freshening up, combing his hair and brushing his teeth before running down the stairs to hear his answer.

The sound of his steps echoed through the motel, looking more worn out than Sicheng thought last night. There’s a sign on the front desk that read “Busy” as he passed up, jumping on the porch as Donghyuck put away his broom by letting it lean on the rails. He stood next to it when he saw Sicheng already out, face impassive before he moved his arms around.

“Are you sure you’re not on something? You seem weird. Taeil-hyung seems out of it too and don’t get me started on that guy you came in with.” He slurs in anger, sneering throughout as he crossed his arms. He’s perceptive of the atmosphere without knowing the situation, guarded about the guests but not enough to avoid Sicheng altogether. He’s curious about him, mostly because there’s something about him that draws him in.

“Well, Youngho-hyung is special. But I assure you we’re not here to hurt anyone.” A dubious statement but true despite everything. Unless they get in his way, then the gloves are off.

“That’s what murderers say.” Donghyuck retorted, surveying Sicheng’s reaction.

Oh, he likes this kid.

“You seem tense,” Sicheng avoided the little quip, clapping his hands “Why don’t you exercise with me? It can help you clear your head too.”

“I’m free now, I guess…” Donghyuck trailed off, pouting cutely before Sicheng beamed at him.

“Come. It’s easier to do in a big space.”

“The garden? Ah, Taeil-hyung doesn’t let me go inside there after I pulled out his tulips.”

Sicheng rolled his eyes good-naturedly “Trust me. I’ll take care of it.”

They make their way around the house, chatting amiably about their own lives when Donghyuck asked him his name. Sicheng’s laughing when Donghyuck kept wondering who would name their child Winwin unless they hated him, spewing about how he is here when he seemed happier in China and genuinely surprised when he said that he used to go to Taeil’s college. Donghyuck talked about his high school, his friends that were from different backgrounds, two from China too who mistakenly says he would like Sicheng to meet. He continued on that he really liked being here because it’s calmer than the city hustle, teaching him the patience he didn’t know he could have.

They stopped right on the grass, the sun pleasantly warming their skin as Sicheng did his stance; legs apart as he stretched out his arm, fingers tensing and snapping his wrist. He shifted his weight on one leg, bending it and leaving the other outstretched before reaching out to the sky with both hands and turning to Donghyuck. “Try this.”

Donghyuck narrowed at what he thought was an impossible feat, mouth agape “I’m not doing that.”

Sicheng shrugged, moving his weight to the other leg and copying what he did before “It’s a shame. It helps your body relax, balance out the energies inside you. Try it.”

Donghyuck whined a little but Sicheng walked over to him, pushing his legs apart with his knee until he got him in the stance he wanted, positioning his hands upward. The boy visibly tensed, gulping as awkwardness overcame him while he flinched when Sicheng touched him. He’s still uncomfortable when Sicheng rubbed his shoulders to ease the tension. “Seriously, relax.”

“How about I go around touching you like we’ve known each other for years? How’d you feel about that?”

Sicheng made a thoughtful noise, chuckling when he recalled how his face broke out because of how many of his university friends would come to pinch his cheeks or land a kiss on his forehead. It made him consider wear a paper mask over his head. So he understood unwanted affections. “Silly. You would have smacked me if you didn’t want me touching you.”

The sputtering Donghyuck did is enough to let Sicheng let go. He saw that the younger is at least trying to follow what he did before, screeching when his back popped “Ow!”

“Progress!” Sicheng called out, doing jumping jacks as he waited for Donghyuck to finish at least 16 seconds on both sides. “Okay, time for another.” He then just raised his leg up until it touched his ear, holding it to keep himself balanced. Donghyuck’s mouth drop was dramatic.

“No. Nope, I am not doing that.” He protested, waving his arms around and turning back. But he miscalculated his foot and slipped, almost landing on his butt if not for Sicheng catching him by the arm. Donghyuck is blushing too much it doesn’t look healthy.

“One last exercise. You look overheated.”

He followed the simpler exercises Sicheng gave him, stretching his feet and rotating his hips because Sicheng commented how he’s almost always sitting down, afraid he’ll get arthritis early. Donghyuck boasted he’s taking up basketball when school hits, ready to take Mark’s captain position. To which Sicheng responded with “Well, this is your slap to reality that it’s not going to be easy.”

When the sun proved too much for them, they went back inside the house as Donghyuck offered to give him some lemonade. Taeil was still nowhere to be seen so Sicheng settled comfortably on the kitchen counter, watching as Donghyuck poured the cold drink into a mug and accepting it with a grin.

“I think I remember you now,” Donghyuck wrung his fingers, licking his lips nervously “Taeil-hyung kept a photo of you in his room.”

Sicheng choked on his drink. He coughed on his fist, trying to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling of lemonade stinging his windpipe before shooting Donghyuck an incredulous look.

The younger is looking down, ashamed but he regained the bravado he’s been portraying around Sicheng. “Are you sure you and him never met?”

“Not that I know of,” he hummed through his teeth before caving at Donghyuck’s honest eyes. This kid has wormed his way into his graces easier than anyone else has. Maybe he’s losing touch. “I might be familiar.”

“Why does he have a picture of you?” Pushy, pushy. He reached out to ruffle his hair; it effectively making him shut his mouth out of embarrassment.

“We were classmates.”

Taeil’s voice made all their heads turn, the elder making his way to the sink to put the groceries down. He rolled up his sleeves quietly, taking out the fruits, vegetables and canned goods. The canned goods went inside the cupboard, fruits placed in the basket in an artful manner and the vegetables are washed thoroughly before he put them inside the bottom of the fridge. Taeil doesn’t seem to be in a rush to talk to Sicheng, only lightly brushing past him as he deliberately let his fingers drag on the boy’s arm.

It’s a familiar habit. Taeil wanting him to approach him first in fear he might be pushing too far. No one really could trump how Taeil cared about Sicheng, bordering onto love that he made sure to put up a barrier between them to stop it from going over the edge. He likes him enough to keep him but not enough to love him back. Just like Jaehyun whom he liked because he understood. Maybe it was love but not the kind to last.

Sicheng stood up, leaning down to place his hands on Donghyuck’s hair and lightly pecking at his head. The action made the younger boy internally scream, mouth in an exaggerated grimace with his eyebrows knit together that he looked like a prune. He pushed him away, face already reaching maximum redness as he scuttled away out of the kitchen.

Taeil let out a laugh after Donghyuck was long gone, clutching his stomach. “You really shouldn’t tease him. He’s not used to your charm.”

He should be happy that Taeil’s talking to him without any malice but Sicheng still kept his guard up “Well, you know me. I can’t really turn it off.”

The elder walked towards him, smile present and Sicheng raised his arms out of reflex, melting as Taeil hugged him tightly with his chin hooked to his shoulder. “I missed you, Sicheng.”

“Likewise.” He replied, eyes shifting when Taeil held him tighter. He patted his back to make him let go, face twisted in annoyance.

Taeil lightly touched his finger on his nose, giggling “You haven’t changed at all. Skinship still makes you angry.”

“You know it does but I let you do it still.” Sicheng pouted. 

“Of course. That still doesn’t explain why you and Jaehyun dropped off the face of the earth after graduation.”

The question he expected came too early but Sicheng shrugged, clear on his face he’s not the least remorseful for not dropping a letter to say where they were or even tried to reach out. Taeil doesn’t take the hint but he does understand that Sicheng’s not reacting like he thought he would. He wanted him to at least acknowledge their history and yet, he’s been acting like a stranger when that tall man he came in with was in the room. He wants to have the Sicheng he knew before.

And Sicheng’s here, his smile different than he’s used to. A façade. His smile is made of broken glass and Taeil’s willing to hurt himself to get to the bottom of it.

“Hyung, it wasn’t personal. You know I care about you.”

“Do I, Sicheng?”

He squinted, pursing his lips and clicking his tongue in afterthought “Maybe not. You always were persistent. But you’ve always been kind with me, always coming to my side. But Jaehyun and I had wanted a life together. I guess we sort of forgot in the excitement to reconnect.”

There’s an itch in his skin at the doubt in Taeil’s face but he’s gone through worse situations for him to start flaking now. He dug his nails into his palm, holding his fist close to his chest. Endure, endure. Would another body help him in this situation? A bloodbath here would mean he needs to get rid of the two and killing a child is not on his agenda. Youngho’s also a problem if he found him in that state, thus he too needs to be eliminated. But three against one isn’t a fair fight.

Then it hit him.

Taeil’s fondness for him.

“Sicheng?” Taeil whispered as he heard him whimper, shuffling closer with one arm already around him. Sicheng can feel the tears prickle, sniffling for good measure and clasping his hands so that he can feign chest pains.

“I’m…I’m so sorry, hyung,” he sobbed “I didn’t want to-to make you feel that way. But…”

He let out more tears with every breath, Taeil doing his best to hold him closer and shushing him with slow circles on his back. He was confused and it was good that he was, Sicheng thought as he held back a smile.

He continued “I’m running away from Jaehyun.” He whispered in fear, shaking as he grabbed fistfuls of the fabric of Taeil’s shirt to bury his face on. His sobs grew in volume until he felt Taeil whisper comforting apologies against his hair.

“What did he do?”

Sicheng’s lips quirked but he forced it down and faced Taeil, rubbing the tears out of his eyes “He’s been cruel ever since we graduated. He kept berating me for the littlest things and…He’s hit me so many times I needed to quit work because of the injuries. I couldn’t live like that, hyung, I just couldn’t.” he covered his mouth, closing his eyes to let the tears stream down.

Taeil is in disbelief, anger starting to bubble in his veins and he just held him tight. “Oh, Sicheng. Is that why you’re out here with Youngho? Are you in danger?”

Sicheng nodded. “He’s looking for me…And he said he’s going to kill me if he finds me,” he shook his head, covering his face with his hands this time “So I’m trying to go to the next city to get away from him. Hyung, please help me.”

“Sicheng, I’ll ensure you get there safely.” No hesitation, no questions asked. Just deep concern as Taeil laid his head atop Sicheng’s to offer him comfort and protection. Taeil is holding onto him with so much acceptance he doesn’t need an explanation. He’s convinced Sicheng is in the right, just as he always did.

 

 Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Youngho just standing on the doorway where Taeil can’t see him. His face is impassive but there’s a curl of his lips that spoke of irritation.

He’s glad his triumphant smile is hidden under his hands.


	2. Lies were White

“Are you sure you can’t stay longer?” Taeil handed him some bags of food for their trip along with spare clothes that Sicheng recognized as the elder’s. Youngho is standing by the car with the door open, leaning an arm and surveying the two of them. He’s been quiet since Sicheng caught him spying but he’s attentive to what the former is doing. He hasn’t looked away from Sicheng and Taeil as they talked, narrowing when their fingers brushed.

“I have to go. I don’t want to pull you into my troubles.” He replied, eyes drooping as Taeil sighed in defeat.

He reached out to pat Sicheng’s cheek fondly “Be safe.”

Sicheng smiled, looking to the side to find Youngho staring intently before leaning to kiss Taeil’s cheek. “Thank you.” He whispered.

He walked up to the car with a devilish grin at the stormy expression that’s crossed Youngho’s face, slamming the car door so hard the car shook. Sicheng got in, throwing the supplies in the back seat, sending one last wave and shutting the door.

Youngho started the car, backing up to the road and swerving until they hit the asphalt again, pausing to find Taeil still standing at the porch except Donghyuck has come out to wave them goodbye as well. He doesn’t really give any warning when he leaned over to Sicheng, startling the boy.

“Excuse me-“ Sicheng wheezed when Youngho’s face is too close to his, pink lips eye level that he almost molded himself to the chair to avoid it. He closed his eyes when the other paused where his breath fanned over Sicheng’s cheek, afraid of why his heart is beating wildly. He’s above this. He’s not going to swoon if Youngho so as much as kiss him. This could potentially make their trip awkward but he’s not against the idea and he hates himself for that thought.

The click of the seatbelt locking and the elastic band strapping him to his seat jolted him back to reality. He looked out the window to see Taeil and Donghyuck talking amongst themselves as they headed back inside, the car forwarding as Youngho drove.

Sicheng’s heart is still a traitor for fluttering when he looked at Youngho’s profile.

The wind is messing Sicheng’s hair but he enjoyed the cool air blowing on his face, nestling his face on his crossed arms on the top of the car door with the windows rolled down. His lips are chapping, picking on the loose skin and ripping it with a wince. The taste of blood fills his tongue when he swipes it down his lip and huffed.

Youngho tapped him on the back with his free hand, eyes still on the road “You okay there?”

He perked up, feigning surprise before he sassily brandished his hand to look at his nails “So you finally stopped ignoring me.”

“You’re not that desperate for attention, are you? I can’t tell.” The brunet muttered as he took of a bite of the full-size snickers bar he’s using as a substitute for brunch. He has an arm leaned on the car door too, a bottle of water in the holder half-empty. Sicheng pursed his lips when he felt his throat parched, reaching to the back to get a fresh bottle for himself.

After he took a long swig, moaning loudly in relief, he turned to Youngho whose ears are red again “What? I was thirsty.”

“Drink a little quieter, will you?” he hissed in a high-pitched tone at he swerved the car to the right to make Sicheng splash some water on his face.

He gasped “What the hell man?” he wiped away the water, grimacing when he saw that it actually succeeded to get on his shirt collar too.

“Please shut up for a few minutes so we don’t get into a car accident.”

Sicheng continued drinking his water, pouting around the mouth of it. What was his problem? He seemed so bothered about him drinking, more bothered after he saw him with Taeil. “What’s up in your mind?” he asked as he screwed the cap on his bottle lest he swerves again.

“You lied.”

Sicheng titled his head, bottle digging on his chin “I did.” He doesn’t really have the energy to deny when there was already evidence present. “Are you bothered?”

Youngho shook his head, smiling serenely “No. And that’s what is bothering me.”

“You saw it, didn’t you?” Sicheng urged on, leaning over the middle to stare at the side of Youngho’s face “Taeil and me.”

The elder doesn’t seem to be appalled at being discovered and only emboldened when he gave Sicheng a heated stare. Sicheng doesn’t turn away, mesmerized at the change on his face as he felt the hairs at the back of neck rise. “You’re a very powerful person, Sicheng but I assure you. No matter how many tricks you keep in your sleeve, you’re going to be the death of me.” He paused, eyelashes fluttering when Sicheng bit down on his lip. He looked so different from the carefree guy he picked up, intense and calculating almost matching Sicheng’s games even when he didn’t even know he was playing.

Too bad he’s playing with a master. “Hm. Are you flirting with me?” he smirked.

Youngho has the audacity to pretend to choke on his snickers. He doesn’t answer which has been recurring and Sicheng only giggled, continuing to stare out the window with a bright smile.

The ride is boring as it usually is with the silence becoming deafening when the sun started to set, reminding them they are back to sleeping in uncomfortable seas. Sicheng rummaged through the supplies Taeil gave, shifting through the food they can easily cook even though he yearned for homemade warm meals. A taste of heaven and he’s already missing it, mouth watering at the idea of hot soup when the night grows cold.

Youngho, ever observant, already saw him shaking like a leaf. He shrugged off his jacket, throwing it over Sicheng’s lap but it’s not enough. The younger bundled the clothing, hugging it close because he really needs something warm right now. Preferably in his stomach at least.

Then the car stopped on the side of the road, the sun already vanished into a glow of orange with indigo tainting the sky with wayward wisps of clouds tinted blue on the underside. Sicheng turned to Youngho to see what he was doing.

The elder unlocked the car, getting out with a smile before leaning inside gesturing Sicheng to get out too. “Come on.”

“You better not be trying to find a place to dump my body in.” Sicheng’s all bark but he does follow out and wearing the jacket Youngho gave because the chill was stronger now.

The elder gathered up the planks of wood from the abandoned shack, unconcerned about any danger for stopping here and hauling a large drum that’s been knocked over upright to the middle of conveniently placed logs. He dumped the planks inside the drum until it was halfway filled, running back to the car to get something. Sicheng huddled himself to the jacket as he sat down on one of the log, throwing the hood over his head because his ears were going to pop off with how frozen they felt. He zipped up and tightened the straps to make sure he can save heat.

Youngho came back with a huge box of matches. There’s a large notebook with many rips under his arm on it and on hand is a can of…Is that kerosene? He dumped the kerosene inside the drum, the smell making Sicheng gag before he lighted a match and burning a piece of paper then tossing that into the drum.

Sicheng watched in amazement as the flames billowed upon contact, heat already coming back to his legs when Youngho put more paper he crumbled just in case it would die down.  He watched the fire flicker in the wind but it was bright enough that Sicheng can see Youngho smile at him.

Wow. He looked like devil incarnate with those orange shadows casted upon such a face.

“Still cold?”

Sicheng scoffed “I’m dying from hypothermia.” But he loosened the jacket, unzipping it and rolling the sleeves. He rubbed his hands to gain some feeling, letting them hover next to the fire to warm up.

Youngho rolled his eyes, sitting down beside him and taking out two long sticks as he handed one to the other boy. “You’re dramatic. I lend you my jacket but you still complain. Not good manners, if you ask me.”

“I’m not always a good boy,” Sicheng murmured, surveying the stick “What’s this for?”

Youngho made an “A-ha!” when he pulled out a big bag of jumbo marshmallows, laying down the chocolates and graham packets beside Sicheng.

“S’mores? What are you, five?” He groaned.

“No. I’m hungry and it’s a good treat. We’re living on so much sugar anyways so why so picky?” Youngho retaliated with a smirk, skewering a marshmallow onto the tip of his stick.

Sicheng made a face “I can assure you we’ll die early with diabetes. This isn’t healthy dinner.”

“I’ll make you a decent breakfast, sweetie so stop complaining and eat your food.” Youngho cooed, enjoying Sicheng’s disgusted face as he let his stick hover a bit over the flames.

The marshmallow was soft as Sicheng squished it with his fingers, sighing as he skewered one and put it beside Youngho’s, using his arm to rest his elbow on with a triumphant grin. Youngho shoved him off with a jerk, yelping when he realized his marshmallow was on fire.

“So, will you tell me about this morning?” Sicheng asked, toasting the marshmallow enough and withdrawing when it turned a golden brown, placing it into the graham cracker with a piece of chocolate on it. “Why you were so moody?”

He put the whole thing in his mouth, chewing messily and relishing the sweetness against his better judgment. He started making another one, constructing it in and squishing the marshmallow a bit too much that it ran down the sides, sticking to his fingers. He cursed before moving the piece to his other hand, strings of marshmallow dragged out.

“Don’t be messy.” Youngho called out and Sicheng is about to yell at him to mind his business but the former has opened his mouth to gobble the s’more Sicheng held. His lips wrapped around his fingers, tongue cheekily licking for a second before withdrawing completely.

He has the gall to lick his lips at Sicheng then offering him a cooked sausage on a stick. It’s embarrassing how he stifled his scream when he bit down harshly on the burning meat. They finished eating with the bags all empty, the trash thrown into a plastic bag they’ll throw on their next stop.

“I’m full.”

“Me too.” Youngho replied cheerily, leaning with both hands as he looked up the sky. There are no clouds in sight that made it a good indicator of good weather, eliminating the worry of rain. Sicheng can see the moon, waxing. A Cheshire’s grin against the darkness surrounded by stars that twinkle lightly.  He started to find constellations he never thought he’d see, smiling when he conjured the images of the old magazine Jaehyun bought him for star-gazing.

The stars are beautiful when they burn out, dying with every light as they run out of time. No wonder Jaehyun loved them so much. He already saw the ending, prepared of it as he continued loving Sicheng without fearing for where he is going to have to end it all. Sicheng has started to forget about him as the trip dragged on, reassured that Jaehyun was at least happy. It’s not the nicest thought out there.

“Are you scared one day your actions are going to catch up to you?” Youngho’s question broke his train of thought, turning his head in surprise.

His face betrayed the worry he’s trying to hide, lips pursed down and his eyebrows knitted. Youngho sighed, ducking down to let his hair cover his face. Sicheng is still confused what he meant so the elder continued.

“I’ve always thought it was my fault he left, probably got mixed up in some trouble.” He started, sliding closer to Sicheng. “He was being difficult, different. He’s always been strange. It’s hard to understand him when he’s having these moods, distancing himself but then coming back home as if nothing happened. People always tell me I was lucky with him,” Youngho clicked his tongue breathlessly “But I wondered if he was the start of my bad luck. He was sweet and smart. I guess I too was fooled that everything was good with him.”

His shoulder slumped, their arms brushing. Sicheng felt pity for him, reaching over to carefully drag Youngho by the nape to lay his head on the crook of his neck. Youngho lets him, hiding his face as his breath warmed the skin there.

Sicheng’s not good at comforting people. He’s made Taeyong cry on occasion because he couldn’t be happy when the elder told him about his dance competition, acting like he couldn’t care less but showed up there with a big bouquet and screaming when he performed. Taeil was always being rejected when he wanted a cuddle buddy but he still managed to worm at least a hug when he could. Then there’s Yuta who still forced his presence even when Sicheng snapped at him because of school stressing him out. The only one who called him out for his behavior was Jaehyun but even he would see that Sicheng tried to appear sorry, making up with things that could’ve been done beforehand.

Because he doesn’t care about people. He doesn’t know how to love anyone properly.

“We all have those days. It’s up to you whether you are willing to accept what he becomes or leave him before he realized you’re nothing to him anymore.”

Youngho almost jumped out of his grasp, probably to punch him but Sicheng grabbed him with both arms. He embraced him tighter when he struggled, making an annoyed sound. He can hear him mumble, could be cursing but Sicheng ran his fingers through his hair to try and pacify him. He caught Youngho’s whisper, defeated tone sending a tingle down his spine “He’s gone, isn’t he?”

Sicheng hushed him “I don’t know. You’re the one who knows him best and you will need to face that answer soon. If you stay, would it help you? Or would it only compromise your own life?”

He continued raking his nails down the elder’s scalp, waiting for him to process his advice. Sicheng can’t help but wonder why Youngho’s so adamant about finding his boyfriend and yet still feel so tormented for doing so. There’s always a reason people do crazy things, their own purpose driven by their wants and needs and yet succumb to sorrow when they realize they will never get there without sacrificing a part of themselves. Poor unfortunate souls who never win without losing themselves to their obsessions.

Youngho grabbed his arm tightly, signaling him to let go and he did, frowning when the elder pointedly looked away from him. Sicheng can’t force him to face his demons so he stood up to get back to the car. “Take your time to think.” He patted him on his shoulder.

When he rested his head on the backseat with a small pillow and a blanket over him (thank god for Taeil’s concern), he was starting to fall asleep when he heard it. It’s low at first, just barely there that he strained his ears to hear it. Sicheng raised his head to look out the back, finding Youngho still sitting in front of the fire, an ethereal image as Sicheng heard the soft baritone of his voice. He’s singing, deep and melodic. Singers have surrounded Sicheng; Taeil’s voice could put angels to shame and Jaehyun’s lullabies would strike a chord within him. But Youngho’s voice is unique, heart-wrenching as he poured his frustrations into every note, notes shaking with his shoulders. It’s not long before he hid his face to his hands, sobbing quietly.

He leaned back into his pillow, turning to the side despite how difficult it was to maintain the position with how cramped the space was. There’s a dull ache in his chest, forcing him to quell down the urge to go and talk to Youngho, to comfort him.

There’s something wrong with him if he’s starting to like Youngho more than necessary.

 

Sicheng starts the day with stretches.

While doing it with Donghyuck was fun, the tranquility of the early morning where the sun is peeking out of the horizon in a dull yellow glow is best enjoyed alone. He liked the privacy, the concentration he put as he moved with the wind in slow, steady movements. Hands caressing the thin air in the likeness of playing an instrument, cascading down as he made an abrupt grab and pressed his weight onto the other foot to turn. Sicheng feels free whenever he dances, his favorite past time where he felt utmost peace.

He jumped, rolling his shoulders and whipping one arm to the side. There’s always going to be tension every time he bent down with his hands outstretched but it would be countered with the smooth transition to a twirl. He’s learned to have fun while he exercised, the cricks in his joints loosening after long days of just sitting down.

Dancing cleared his head of the intrusive thoughts of his growing attachment to his company, kicking the air when it tried to invade his mind.

After Jaehyun, he realized that he doesn’t need to have someone creep so close when he gets bored of them, he’ll push them away. Youngho’s too clever to be dragged to his traps, too mature to be playing mind games. And yet he does it unconsciously, Sicheng’s blatant lies clear yet clouded in his mind.

He almost slipped on a rock at that thought, flipping mid air to land safely on his feet.

“Cool.”

Sicheng promptly fell to his butt with a loud curse. Youngho doesn’t look apologetic, chuckling as he held out his hand to help him up and shaking his head when Sicheng glowered at him when they walked back to the car.

“I was watching from the start. You seemed to be in your own world and it would be shameful to intrude.” He explained, throwing an arm around Sicheng and letting him rest his head on the crook of his shoulder. Their height difference was cute.

Wait, cute? Sicheng mentally slapped himself.

“I swear, I can see him in you. You two are alike. He loved dancing too, the little show off.” It doesn’t take a genius to know who he’s talking about, his fondness sickening.

Sicheng pushed him away violently, apologizing under his breath as he climbed up the backseat to hide the blush staining his face. He doesn’t want to have small talk when he can still hear Youngho’s crying in his head, opting to nestle under the jacket to feign sleep.

Youngho doesn’t mind but he does turn to coo at him “Sleep well, kid.”

“Maybe you could teach me how to dance.” He said in afterthought, driving just as the sun shone over them like a halo of light. Sicheng opened his eyes a sliver, humming a yes somewhere along the lines before he slept for real.

 

Youngho is sitting next to him, reading.

Sicheng would wake up to put distance but he’s frozen. There’s something metallic that his finger brushed against when he twitched his hand. He can hear some music from the outside of the car, loud bass pounding with his pulse. Youngho has an arm around his waist with his book held with one hand, flicking it with his thumb without any fuss. Sicheng doesn’t understand how he is leaning on him halfway hugging his side with his cheek nestled right on his neck. The scent of sweat clung to him underneath that smell that’s uniquely Youngho that made Sicheng’s mouth dry. His breathing picked up, unsure whether he should move or just stay there until it got uncomfortable.

Then he noticed where his hand is resting. It’s on Youngho’s thigh, close to his crotch and the metal he felt was his zipper.

He never leapt back so fast in his life, throwing himself to the car door with his hands on the handle to open it. Youngho dropped his book, shrieking in surprise when he realized Sicheng woke up. He groaned, clutching his chest and letting out a hoot to calm down.

Then he flicked Sicheng on the forehead before the younger realized. “Hey!”

Youngho rolled his eyes, picking his book (It’s a battered red cover, Sicheng doesn’t see its title) “Can you hear yourself? God, you were better when you’re asleep. All cute and quiet.”

Sicheng scoffed dramatically “I’m not the one who suddenly decided to cuddle up to me. Who’s the real creep?”

“You hit your head on the window every bump we passed and it’s comical because when you were half-sleep, you kept whining about ice cream. Yeah, you’re cute so I decided to cuddle you.”

There’s a series of cheers echoing from outside again that distracted Sicheng from his internalized feelings, turning over to the window to find rows of cars and motorcycles lining the front of a motel with a large blinking neon sign that said ‘Friday Nights- bar and motel’. When did they get here?

“How long was I-“

“You’ve been asleep for almost twenty hours? If we disregard the times you were out of it and asked me to feed you.” Youngho cut off, throwing on his jacket and opening the door. “Well, since we’re here, we should book a room and maybe get some food for you.”

Sicheng stared at him walk away, shaking off the shiver that came down his spine when Youngho turned back for a moment to look at him with hooded eyes. He rounded the car, steps echoing that Sicheng needed to look down to smack his lips. Is this what being deprived of physical contact for being on the road too long does to him? Youngho’s the constant person he sees with the long winding hours and all of a sudden, he’s attracted to him? He felt weird all over again.

The door beside him opened and Youngho’s peering inside with a challenging look. “You coming or not?”

“Don’t hurry me.” His voice scratchy as he reached a hand out, wondering in afterthought when he realized what he was doing.

Youngho held his hand, his own calloused that it sent tingles down his skin and Sicheng almost stumbled out of the car into his space. He lingered his hold before he just dropped their held hands and continued walking.

“You’ll get lost if I let you go. There’s a party inside that I’m sure you’re dying to get in.”

“What do you take me for? Living on the wild side?” Sicheng mocked.

“Touché.”

They went inside, the strobes of the multi-colored lights blinding Sicheng’s sight as they rounded past the dancing people with bottles of alcohol on hand. It was hard to see where the main desk was, the small space filled with grinding bodies and raucous laughter accompanied with the music. Youngho had to push Sicheng closer when he saw the younger getting uncomfortable when some brushed against him too close for comfort. Sicheng squeaked when he felt someone cop a feel that Youngho wrapped an arm around his waist as they finally saw what seemed to be the main desk. There’s no one but then they heard loud cheers from the bar, a young man tossing a bottle of tequila in the air and catching it with a flourish, tipping it down a shot glass with a lime slice. He’s wearing a tank top, smirking at the girls who giggle at his bare arms.

Sicheng blinked when the young man turned to him, winking as he gestured for him to come closer. He cocked his head, eyebrow quirked and left Youngho’s hold despite his protest as he strode up to the bar, sitting down right in front of him. He’s kind of cute, his dimples reminding him of Jaehyun’s with close cropped hair and his bangs sweeping over his brow. The male poured him some liquor in a shot glass, pushing it until it touched Sicheng’s fingers.

“On the house.” He winked.

Ooh, he’s going on strong. Sicheng hid his laugh under his hand, fluttering his eyelashes as he picked up the glass. He drank it straight down, throwing his head back and feeling the burn down his throat before slamming it back down the tabletop with a smile. “Keep it coming, cutie.” Sicheng cooed, clasping his hands in front of him with his elbows on the table. He glimpsed Youngho at his peripheral, eyes narrowed at the bartender and darting back to him with a possessive glint. There’s a quirk on one side of his lips, hidden from his sight. He’s affected which is good. Sicheng’s not the only one going insane.

The bartender slid another glass, the rim coated with salt and another glass filled with water. “Forgot the chaser there. Go easy on the drinking when you look good enough to eat.”

With his dark circles, the smell of sweat on his clothes because they’ve been on the road too long and the chapped skin of his lips, Sicheng doubted that but he raised the glass in a salute before throwing it back in one gulp. He licked the salt around his lips, making sure to make it exaggerated that anyone who stared wouldn’t be able to look away. Youngho nudged his foot forcibly against his calf and Sicheng turned at him to give a quick wink before drinking some water to quench the burning sensation in his throat. There’s another shot except it’s not what he was given before, tinted brown and fizzing at the top.

He hummed “What’s this?”

“Mind eraser.” The bartender’s voice is smoother than Sicheng thought. He must be a good singer, definitely good at sweet talking him to drinking another shot. There’s the hint of coffee liqueur accompanied with the bubbling of soda that intensified the liquor he’s come to realize as tequila. He hissed after he put the glass down, wiping his mouth.

He can feel his inhibitions slipping, smiling lopsidedly. Did he get the bartender’s name? It’s a shame he’s trying to get him drunk because that would take more than tequila to get him feel a little vulnerable.  He’s chugged more alcohol than water back in college that they’ve tried giving him a concoction of every liquor they could get their hands on just to see if he could survive it. He almost got UTI but it was worth the disbelief when he still didn’t get drunk. Tipsy maybe, giggling and being a tad touchier than before and he can attest that he is amiable to just latching to Youngho at any moment now.

The bartender saved him from that train of thought when he asked his name.

“Winwin. Because you’re too generous with the shots. I can pay.” He purred.

“I’m Kun and honestly, I don’t mind giving free drinks with someone as interesting as you.”

“Tequila? It’s too weak. I’m considered a monster with alcohol with my friends.” Sicheng can feel incessant prodding on his leg but he just placed his hand on Youngho’s thigh without even breaking his stare at Kun.

The music is louder now, more customers filling in that Kun excused himself after filling three more shot glasses to give Sicheng, promising to come back to chat more afterwards. Boredom already set into him and he drank another shot, licking his hips when a drop found itself down his chin.  He turned to Youngho to offer him one just for fun.

“Are you seriously getting drunk when you haven’t eaten anything all day?” he scolded, the lights over them making harsher shadows across his skin. Dangerous and not to mention the tension on his neck as he gritted his teeth at the glazed look on Sicheng’s eyes.

He smirked in response, another shot down the hatch and blew him a kiss. “Live a little. I’m merely accepting kindness from someone who gave it to me generously.”

Youngho rolled his eyes “You take advantage of how helpless you seem, not caring about who gets hurt as long as you get your fix.”

A giggle “Whatever you’re looking for in me, it’s not there. I’m not who you wish I could be.” He stood up, hand dragging over his crotch until he laid it on Youngho’s chest to feel his heartbeat pick up. Sicheng licked at the shell of his ear, enjoying how he shivered “You’re delusional to think you figured me out. You’re not even close. But I’ll let you in a little secret.”

Youngho’s hand has wandered around his waist “Yeah?” his voice is cracked.

Sicheng blew warm air on his ear “I’m fond of you now to let you explore more of me.” He withdrew as sudden as he came, sashaying his hips as he approached the dance floor with a laugh.

His steps are wobbly with every movement that resembled dancing with the music, patrons bumping to him and giving him compliments when he swayed his hips just right. It went to a point that this tall guy was going to guide him to the darker side of the dance floor if not for Youngho grabbing his hips and spinning him to let their bodies plaster against each other. Livid, he grinded down hard right on Sicheng’s thigh that made the latter whimper. He grabbed fistfuls of his hair, pulling to make his neck easier to access, brushing his nose against his pulse point as they continued swaying. He winded his arms loosely around Youngho’s shoulders, lazy smile painting his lips as he felt a nip against his collarbone when he twisted his hips to brush his ass against Youngho’s front. A warning bite under his ear, whispering for him to be careful.

Sicheng doesn’t comply and lets his hand wander down to grab him by the belt hoops to semi-straddle his thigh this time. He moved up to bite at the elder’s lip, pulling it between his teeth before Youngho decided teasing was enough, crashing their lips and tugging at his hair harder that he almost had Sicheng arched under his hold. He’s brutal, mouth furiously moving against his that he couldn’t breathe properly and exploring his mouth with his tongue in every dip and turn of his teeth. Sicheng moaned when he moved his leg, delirious when Youngho pulled away and he couldn’t stop himself from following his mouth.

“You taste disgusting.” He panted, the space between them miniscule and Sicheng’s distracted with his saliva-slick mouth to care.

“Tequila.” He murmured, licking back into Youngho’s mouth without a thought but the elder pulled away again and he growled in frustration.

Youngho chuckled darkly, tilting his neck to he can suck on the skin under his ear and trailing up to nibble on his pointed ear “You know what they say about people who can drink tequila without making a face.”

“What’s that?” he whispered, groaning when Youngho tugged too hard.

His words echoed in his ear as he helped him up to the room he rented while Sicheng was busy flirting with Kun, giggling at what it implied before Youngho started kissing him again and taking off his clothes.

“You’re sent straight from the devil to ruin my life.” He bit down his nipple and Sicheng doesn’t care anymore “I don’t mind it at all.”

It becomes a blur after that, filled with tossed clothes and the sensation of pleasure streaming through his tipsy mind enough to think how much he’s going to get a hangover tomorrow morning.  Sicheng doesn’t mind the sweat that dripped down his chest when Youngho’s licking it off, fingers skirting across his stomach to grab his dick in a loose circle. He slotted their lips when he climbed back up, tracing the roof of his mouth before raking his nails down his back when he grinded down his thigh.  The pace he set stroking him is fast, the pleasure coiling under his stomach that he threw his head back, breaking the kiss to let out a groan. Warmth envelops his skin when Youngho slotted their lips so that he can take both dicks in his one hand, the friction as skin met skin intensifying.  He rubbed their precum with every stroke, tightening around the base and tugging when he reached the head to wet his palm. Sicheng occupied himself by sucking a bruise on Youngho’s pulse point, nibbling the skin between his teeth until it turned a dark pink.

He spilled in Youngho’s hand with a loud moan, stars bursting in his vision as he swallowed the sound the former made when he too came. The shots he took is dragging the feeling that he giggled when Youngho mouthed against his neck to gain his attention.

Sicheng tilted his head to accept kiss Youngho gave him, slotting their lips so he can kiss him deeper before breaking it to peck more on his face.

In his haze, he whispered “You’re not thinking, aren’t you?”

Youngho doesn’t reply and Sicheng fell asleep.

 

The continuous dripping of water somewhere echoed through the small hallway. Sicheng doesn’t know how he got there, eyes adjusting to the darkness as he turned behind him to find nothing.  The hallway before him long and winding, the space too cramped for more than one person to walk through.  He can feel the tickle of the soft carpet under his bare feet when he started walking towards the end, if he can find it. The smell of iron assaulted his nose immediately the farther he went, trying to cover his mouth to stop the overwhelming scent until something wet smeared across his mouth. He licked on his lips, gagging when he tasted iron that he raised his hand in the light, blood staining his fingers and he looked down at his stomach to find it’s covered in red too.

“Is this my warning call?”

“Yeah.”  Jaehyun’s voice is ringing all around him, striking a cord against his chest that he clenched his fist. “I missed you, Sicheng.”

He barked a hollow laugh, biting his whole lower lip to stop the sarcasm from coming out.  He tilted his head to try and find where Jaehyun is before settling his eyes on the end of the hallway.

He’s wearing what he wore before he died, blood seeping into his white shirt from the bullet wound on his head. The entry point is dark red, a hole right on his temple with the edges bruised purple as blood continued dripping down his eye then to his cheek. The red is striking against his pale skin, blue lips stretched in an insane grin.

“I can’t say the same.” He replied, feeling cold all of a sudden. He rubbed on his arms to gain some warmth but when he blinked, Jaehyun is in front of him like the goddamn ghost he was and cradled his face.

His skin is clammy, cold against his own that he’s stealing heat and Sicheng can see clearer how his eyes are cloudy just like those goldfishes he killed as he stared at them losing their lives.

“We’ll see each other again soon,” He whispered, smelling of decay that Sicheng felt like vomiting “You’re in danger.”

His kiss tasted of regret, blood pooling down his chin as he resisted the urge to scream when he felt a disgusting rotting tongue creep down his throat.

 

There’s a foreboding doom that loomed when he woke up, fully-clothed and no traces of what happened last night. His head is fuzzy that he needed to rest his head for a few minutes, squinting with his sand-crusted eyes at the door to see if anyone was there. His memory is spotty at best despite the small amount of liquor given to him. There was a dream that he can see wisps of but cannot completely grasp the whole picture.

He doesn’t regret that he actually came on Youngho because that’s what he wanted all along even without the tequila though that sped things up. It was better to make Youngho think he was drunk so it would make him less guilty. Oh, poor thing went along with Sicheng’s wiles already lulled by the aura he exuded. He hoped he didn’t run away with his tail between his legs that he actually slept with him. It was too fast, running out of time between them that he doesn’t feel any remorse.

At least he got a taste.

He hauled himself up to get to the bathroom, knocking over the towel rack that he was almost crawling up the tub. The water helped him relax the tense muscles, washing his face and scrubbing his skin until it turned pink. Sicheng’s scared of getting out when there’s a gut feeling that made him wary of what happens if he looked for Youngho.

Where was he anyways? Sicheng dressed, leaving his hair messy to dry in the air and closed the door behind him with a click. He stood at the top of the stairs, surprised to see that the dance floor’s cleared from last night’s party with round tables placed around. There’s no one in sight, trying to see if he can find Youngho by walking down two steps the stairs and he does. The elder is talking on the payphone from the front desk. He’s shouting inaudibly that Sicheng goes back to their room to not disturb him, grabbing his bag and rummaging through it for some cologne.

A knock on the door interrupted him, tentative at first before it repeated urgently. He furrowed his brows with a huff, locating what he was looking for and tucking it on the back of his jeans hidden with his long shirt. He put the chain on before opening, a smiling face greeting him through the crack.

It’s difficult to decipher his features but he’s small, barely reaching Sicheng’s nose and his lips are tinted red as he smiled up at him. His mint-hued hair is in disarray framing a sweet face that Sicheng would have let his guard down if it weren’t for that glint of something indescribable in his eyes.

“Hello?” he asked, keeping one foot on the door to stop him if he tried to push through.

The smile grew wider “I hope you don’t mind the intrusion,” his voice is accented, dripping honey as he cocked his head to the side to meet Sicheng’s eyes “Did you check in last night?”

“Yes, we did? Is there a problem?”

“Ah, I rented it the day before and I left something rather important in there. I hope you don’t mind if I get in and find it, will you?” He frowned, pouting a little as he sighed dejectedly “I know it’s not safe for me to ask but I really need it.”

Sicheng made a noncommittal sound, biting the inside of his cheek. There is an air of harmless about him, something that did make it easier to trust him but his words just feel rehearsed. Repeated even, as if he’s said this too many times he can already pinpoint what tone people would fall for.

Interesting. “Sure.” He replied cheerily, the miniscule movement of the male’s eyes barely missed as he removed the chain. He opened the door wide to let him in, surprised that he slowly looked around before getting inside.

“You said you rented it with someone?” he asked as he walked over to the bed and going down his knees to check underneath. “My name’s Ten, by the way. If you wanted to report me to them.”

“Should I?” he teased.

Ten winked back, moving to the closet to rummage through the drawers for whatever he lost. “Up to you but I think we have an understanding.”

Sicheng smirked. There’s already a warning sign in his head but he wanted to see how far it would go. This person carried himself like he didn’t care, managed to let Sicheng curious at how he would handle this situation. Ten may have his back to him but he can spy at the corner of his eye how Sicheng is staring at him in interest.

“What did you lose?” Sicheng mustered out when Ten froze and made a triumphant shout. His hand is still inside the drawer, moving closer to the other male when he heard footsteps.

“If you’re awake, we should really go-“ Youngho trailed off when he looked at the other person in the room crouched down, bangs over his eyes and froze. He turned to Sicheng in horror then to Ten as the latter rose up and grabbed Sicheng by the shoulders.

He brandished a knife to his neck, covered in dried blood but glinting in the light that betrayed how sharp it really was. “Hello, Johnny. Miss me, darling?”

“Ten. Pleasant surprise.” Youngho choked out, fixated on the metal against Sicheng’s pulse point. Ten traced with the tip of his knife the hickeys there, pressing it down on a large mark under his jaw.

“Oh, you already replaced me? Tsk, he’s so cute. Just like I was when we first met.” Ten cooed, licking against Sicheng’s ear.

There is nothing but disgust rushing in Sicheng but he kept still, mindful of the weight of the metal. He gulped when Youngho raised an arm to placate Ten, staring at Sicheng in the eye, begging him to calm down.

He reached behind him, gritting his teeth “You’ve been on the run for too long. I called the cops and they’re taking you in. No more escape routes left, Ten.” Youngho took out a Glock 22, worn out and scratched but he snapped the barrel in as he leveled it at them.

Sicheng doesn’t know what to say. Since when did he get that gun? Has he had that ever since the beginning? It’s a very old model from what he can see, his stance as he kept one hand under the barrel and his finger poised right on the trigger as if he’s done it before.

Ten laughed, mouth wide open that he is starting to freak him out “Ah, that’s the funniest thing!” he leaned down on Sicheng’s shoulder to muffle his laughter “You always were the best accomplice. Thanks to you, I got out of that situation after everything you did to cover it up.”

Sicheng’s eyes widened. “What?”

Ten gasped, jostling Sicheng around “You didn’t tell your new boy toy about it? Now, trust is crucial in a new relationship, Johnny,” he shook his head sadly “You were so kind to hide the bodies with me when you found me with their guts around my neck. You told me red brought out my eyes and I knew you were going to be the best boyfriend I’ll ever have.”

Youngho growled “Shut up.”

“And to think you graduated with flying colors from the police academy! Your job as the head of the investigation let me scot free even when they kept asking where the serial killer went!” Ten is high on the memories, biting his lip so hard he drew blood “Five selfish bastards who wanted to own me, their bodies fed to the fishes while your team of five police officers went down because they found my shed. You were so good to me. Why would you come to find me after all?”

Sicheng couldn’t help it. He repressed his chuckle, shoulders shaking as it grew into a full blown laugh, the kind where his eyes were tearing up and his stomach hurting with every noise he made. He’s in shock maybe which is such a funny idea when he’s done things that could be as heinous as Ten’s crimes.

He kills not with knives but with affection, affection he rarely gives until everyone is bowed over him he can control them to what he sees fit.

Ten laughed with him, entertained at his expression “Oh, he understands so well. Pity,” his eyes hardened as he dug the knife until it started to actually sting “I don’t share.”

“Really?” Sicheng said between his laughter.

Ten nuzzled his hair, smirking “You’re no angel, kid. It’s a shame you didn’t throw away your clothes when the blood was still wet. It could have been washed away but no. It’s your trophy, isn’t it? Always with you until it becomes incriminating evidence.”

He turned to Youngho who hasn’t moved from his position “Youngho knew all along and yet he didn’t mind it. You have a dangerous type,” he leaned to Sicheng again “He was going to cover for you too. But throwing those clothes in the laundry chute would mean more questions. And who would he blame for it but me who came at the right timing?”

“A good idea if you ask me.”

He doesn’t anticipate when Sicheng threw his head back so the collision made Ten drop his hold, cursing as he felt the knife dig deep into his arm. Sicheng hissed as he crouched down to knock him off his feet with a sweep of his leg, touching where he felt immense pain and clicking his tongue when he found it bloody. Ten crashed, knife rolling away from his grasp. He stood up with a roar, grabbing Sicheng again as the younger struggled in his grasp.  Ten managed elbowing Sicheng’s face that he bit on his tongue, tasting blood and spatting it at him with a roar.

Youngho took the first shot, hitting Ten’s leg as he fell again while clutching his injured limb. “You really dared!” he shouted and stood up again, still managing to keep upright. Youngho shot two more bullets but his hands are shaking that he missed, Sicheng grabbing his arm to run out.

“There’s no room for us three! You can keep running like you always do.” Ten is sprinting and god knows how he can stand with a wound on his leg but he’s pretty adept as he chased after them. He rounded the stairs just as Youngho shoved Sicheng behind the bar to shield him. A knife zoomed past Youngho’s cheek, grazing him as Ten stumbled with two more knives at hand and the third with the handle clamped in his teeth.  He’s grinning madly as he rolled over a  table to dodge Youngho’s next shot at him, twisting his arm to throw one knife again and it imbedded on the wall behind the elder.

“You always bring a knife to a gun fight.”

“Yet I always win.” Ten screeched when Youngho fired multiple shots as he bolted right into his path, fury blazing in his face and giggling as Youngho pulled the trigger but ended with a click. “I always _win._ ”

A resonating crash, followed with the loud sound of Ten’s body staggering back. He gasped as a trickle of blood went down the hole in the middle of his forehead, touching it for a moment before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and collapsing with a clatter of his knives slipping his lifeless hands. Youngho choked back the sob at the sight, turning to see Sicheng with his own gun out as smoke poured from the muzzle.

“Too bad, winning is what I was named for.” Sicheng proclaimed to the dead body, lifting his head and pointing the gun to Youngho. “At least what they called me.” He slowly approached him, eyes half-lidded he licked the blood off his teeth.

Youngho dropped his gun, raising his arms in surrender “It’s not your name. It’s a shame you kill me before I get to know it.”

Sicheng surveyed him. He lingered on the splotches of red on his neck, some of Ten’s blood splattered on his face and the dark blue bruises that reminded Sicheng of last night. It’s at this point that he became confused why his hold on the trigger is shaking, reluctant to level the shot at Youngho’s head just as easy as he did to Ten. But he’s become a hindrance to his escape especially with how he’s added to his body count, the knowledge he held about Youngho’s own crimes and he’s already decided that he will not go to jail. Sacrifice is weighing down him that he lowered his gun for a moment, thinking about their journey together.

They ended before they began but Sicheng doesn’t want to see him die.

A tear fell down his cheek, surprising him. “Ah. Why?”

Youngho shut his eyes, looking away “Why what?”

“Why didn’t you say anything if you knew?”

The elder nibbled on his lips, nervous with his fists clenched on his sides before shaking his head “I’m still making the same mistakes all over again.”

Sicheng stalked over him, gun pressed on his chest as he looked at him sadly. He fluttered his eyelashes, sighing heavily before going up his tiptoes to kiss him full on the mouth. Youngho froze. He doesn’t move, not even when Sicheng positioned the gun on his stomach and pulled the trigger.

Youngho gurgled, almost falling if not for Sicheng helping him up as he leaned down on him. He coughed up blood against his lips, tainting it in an unflattering red when he pulled away.

There’s no goodbye, no sweet declaration as Sicheng made him lay down next to Ten and fished out his keys from his pockets. He was nothing but calm when he went back up to get his bag, staring at the life draining out of Youngho’s eyes when they followed him as he closed the door.

The last sight he saw before he blacked out.

 

(Perhaps it’s the taste of the street food that made him pause.

It was a mesh of plastic-like consistency and the weird aftertaste of the sauce he dipped onto the stick but he stopped to listen in on the incessant noise of the radio that the fishball vendor had turned on while he was cooking the rest of Sicheng’s order of what he called qwek-qwek and tempura that wasn’t the crumb-coated shrimp he originally thought.

He ran a hand through his pink hair, clicking his tongue when he felt the stiff strands catch on his fingers. He should buy some leave-on conditioner soon, staring at the bubbling oil cook the orange balls and weird alien fat string thoroughly.

“ _On our investigation on the murders of fifteen people in a remote motel a month prior where novice police officer Seo Youngho has finally caught the serial killer Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul also known as Ten after it has been revealed that he was also the culprit to previous murders in Seoul. His promotion from serving justice and exhibiting quick thinking as he had subdued the killer but killed him in the scuffle. The two guns found in the crime scene were wiped of prints that led us to believe that he was going to frame Officer Seo until his plan was discovered. We extend our condolences to the loved ones who lost someone in the murder spree._

_We have Officer Seo here to deliver us a message on every criminal that would like to try this again. What can you tell these people, sir?”_

_“I’m waiting.”_

Sicheng stopped biting on the tip of the stick he held, breath catching on his throat and the vendor said something in Filipino as he handed the plastic cup of his cut street food to him, piping hot. He took it, tuning out the music from the radio of a catchy siren song as Youngho’s words echoed in his head.

That was for him.

“Oh, Youngho.” He whispered to himself, taking a bite of the egg and the crunchy orange-tinted batter as he pulled out his phone to call Taeil.

Donghyuck wanted some hotpot for tonight’s dinner because he was bringing his friends, already excited to let Sicheng meet Renjun and Chenle as well as Mark who was curious about him after Donghyuck showed a picture of him. Taeil would protest that Sicheng gives into Donghyuck’s whims too much, jealousy evident in his tone until they just laughed over cooking meals together. The city was bigger than his old home but Taeil’s finally decided to sell the motel so that he can move back where he can monitor Donghyuck. Sicheng’s happy that they let him stay with them as long as he wants, giving him a copy of their apartment during times he needed to be alone and disappear for a while.

Sicheng finished his snack, throwing his plastic cup and stick in the trash as he headed for his car.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yell at me on twt @cledritch


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